Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
