I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
