That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize