i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
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If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
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I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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