Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He better not be in your backpack
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
