Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
