Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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