I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
