I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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