Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
