Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
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I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
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