so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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