She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
