i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
