Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
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its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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