What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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