The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
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