he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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