i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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