I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
