just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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