i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
