Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
