i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize