her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
