You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
