so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Sorry about my life...
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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