end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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