U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Randomize
