Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
