I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
