I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I understand Curling. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize