So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize