Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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