All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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