if i can run in heels then i can drive
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
