Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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