i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Randomize
