you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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