I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
