well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
