so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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