I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
