dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
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