Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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