i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
try to milk me bitch
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
