he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
