ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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