that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
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