She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
