Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
