Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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