I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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