Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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