he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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