Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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