he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I could fuck to npr.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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