How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
