Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
