She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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