bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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