Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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