Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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