dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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