thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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