Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
