You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
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I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
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It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.