Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
