Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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