i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
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I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize