Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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