How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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