i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
