Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Oh god it's open bar.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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