at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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