the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
